10 September 2014

Little Words

Oh, this blog of mine.

There is no writers block, for I am not a writer. I have just had few words lately.

Life is busy these days. And while busy is certainly not bad, it is most definitely exhausting.

My mind is full, yet I have nothing to say. The past few months I have just been riding this river of life. Some moments are raging rapids in which I feel like I am desperately fighting to stay afloat of my raft. While other days, I feel like I am riding an inter-tube down a peaceful and quiet lazy river.

I have slowly and unconsciously began to detach myself from the cyber world of ours. Living more in reality and not so much the fantasy of social media.

Social media, the place in which I have 150 "friends" but 98% of them don't even know my favorite color. The place in which I determine how popular I am by how many people liked my pictures. The place in which I determine my happiness by how much "stuff" I have in comparison to others. The place in which I gauge my parenting skills, based on the articles presented in Huffington Post-Parents.

I find myself more and more disgusted in what I see on my social media sites lately. People desperately seeking the validation of others. The smiling faces of well behaved children, never the screaming faces of the tantrum throwing toddler. Pictures of dreamy places we only wish for in our dreams. Boastful comments and post, meant to attract the attention of others while hopefully validating the account holder.

I find myself typing a FB post or editing an Instagram photo and then immediately asking myself "What do I hope to expect from this?"

"Why I am I posting the 300th picture of my beautiful view?"
because I like to hear people tell me how beautiful it is.

"Why I am posting a picture of most recent 10 mile run?"
because I can't wait for someone to tell me how amazing and determined I am.

"Why am I posting another picture of the thermometer and my sad son's face?"
because I want someone to feel sorry for me.

...because I want attention.

So I have scaled back. Less attention, more humbleness. No longer are my 'running backdrop' photos a moment for me to brag. I take the photo and then I savor this special time that I have watching the sunset into the Puget Sound while listening to the sound of my rapidly beating heart and deep heavy breaths. Because when I don't post that photo suddenly this moment becomes something sacred. Just me and my run. No attention. Nobody will even know of this moment, but I forever will. And that is special.

So as I reset and reassess, I find myself with little words. While others are desperately seeking more Instagram followers, more picture 'likes', more Facebook friends, more Youtube subscribers, more attention; I am realizing that I am just fine being nobody. Because being a "nobody" means I don't have to try so hard to be somebody I'm not.

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