30 June 2014

{The Struggle}

Today marks the single digit countdown until my due date, and in these fleeting moments before our lives change (for the good) again; I find myself doing a lot of reflecting of the past 10 years and how I got to this place in my life.

One thing that has been a constant is "the struggle." It was the struggle with my childhood that led me to Hawaii. My struggle to pay tuition that led me to the military, which eventually led me to Kevin. And it is our struggle together that has led us to this exact moment, here today.

Now, I am not so self centered that I believe we are the only ones who have struggled to make it to where we are. And I have come to learn that everyone's struggle is hard, for them. There were so many times just a few years ago that I would find myself angry at other people for being in a better position in life than we were, with only having done half the work we had. It didn't seem fair, it still doesn't seem fair; but one thing I have come to learn is that I have to let go of these things I cannot change.

So, as I sit back and reflect on this last decade of my life I have begun to realize that this "struggle" of ours is exactly what makes my little family so strong. It is in the hardships of now knowing whether we will have to drop out of school and forfeit the idea of a degree, because we either don't have the help we need for our children or the money we need to live; that we discover the strength of a husband and wife's comradery. And through this strength we persevere and earn our first degree all on our own. It is the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck that has us discovering creative and inexpensive ways to bond as a family. It is the struggle of wondering how we will replace our long overdue roof and older than Jesus windows that keeps our electric bill floating somewhere in the $400's during the winter, that keep us humble and so very appreciative of  all the wonderful things we do have. And it is the lack of date nights/days and little to no time for "us" that makes us cherish the moments we do have together even more.

This month Daddy graduated with his first degree.

As I ponder these past years, and worry about our future as a family of 5. I begin to realize that it is "the struggle," the "lack of" that makes this family strong and keeps us happy. I take pride in the fact that where we lack in our bank account we more than makeup for in love. We are a simple family. We don't need things to keep us happy. We don't flaunt what we have or feel the need to share our "riches" with whoever will listen. We love finding great deals and second hand stuff fills our home. The approval of other's does not define us, and this struggle of our's is real.

A very real pleasure.

I always tell Kevin "Someday we are going to make it. Someday things won't be this hard." But today I realized we already have made it; and as long as my heart continues to feel this happy, I will gladly live this struggle, for the struggle is a part our story. 

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