30 June 2014

{The Struggle}

Today marks the single digit countdown until my due date, and in these fleeting moments before our lives change (for the good) again; I find myself doing a lot of reflecting of the past 10 years and how I got to this place in my life.

One thing that has been a constant is "the struggle." It was the struggle with my childhood that led me to Hawaii. My struggle to pay tuition that led me to the military, which eventually led me to Kevin. And it is our struggle together that has led us to this exact moment, here today.

Now, I am not so self centered that I believe we are the only ones who have struggled to make it to where we are. And I have come to learn that everyone's struggle is hard, for them. There were so many times just a few years ago that I would find myself angry at other people for being in a better position in life than we were, with only having done half the work we had. It didn't seem fair, it still doesn't seem fair; but one thing I have come to learn is that I have to let go of these things I cannot change.

So, as I sit back and reflect on this last decade of my life I have begun to realize that this "struggle" of ours is exactly what makes my little family so strong. It is in the hardships of now knowing whether we will have to drop out of school and forfeit the idea of a degree, because we either don't have the help we need for our children or the money we need to live; that we discover the strength of a husband and wife's comradery. And through this strength we persevere and earn our first degree all on our own. It is the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck that has us discovering creative and inexpensive ways to bond as a family. It is the struggle of wondering how we will replace our long overdue roof and older than Jesus windows that keeps our electric bill floating somewhere in the $400's during the winter, that keep us humble and so very appreciative of  all the wonderful things we do have. And it is the lack of date nights/days and little to no time for "us" that makes us cherish the moments we do have together even more.

This month Daddy graduated with his first degree.

As I ponder these past years, and worry about our future as a family of 5. I begin to realize that it is "the struggle," the "lack of" that makes this family strong and keeps us happy. I take pride in the fact that where we lack in our bank account we more than makeup for in love. We are a simple family. We don't need things to keep us happy. We don't flaunt what we have or feel the need to share our "riches" with whoever will listen. We love finding great deals and second hand stuff fills our home. The approval of other's does not define us, and this struggle of our's is real.

A very real pleasure.

I always tell Kevin "Someday we are going to make it. Someday things won't be this hard." But today I realized we already have made it; and as long as my heart continues to feel this happy, I will gladly live this struggle, for the struggle is a part our story. 


21 June 2014

{35, 36 & 37 Weeks Pregnant} with baby #3

Well let's play catch-up, shall we.

I have reached that point in pregnancy where there is really no new changes from week to week, just the same old stuff.

  • Acid Reflux
  • Swollen Feet
  • Back Pain
  • Shortness of Breath
  • Frequent Urination
  • Braxton Hicks 
The same old stuff, just a different week...

For my week 35 visit I had and ultrasound to see in what position the baby was in. I am happy to announce that baby is head down, locked and loaded. I am determined to have my natural labor and delivery and a breach baby just wouldn't do. I also had my Step-B test done at this time and was happy to hear that it came back negative. Baby's heartrate was 140.

For my week 36 visit absolutely nothing happened. Baby's heartrate was 140.

For my week 37 visit, I was told that my fundal height measurements were showing to be about 4 weeks behind what the baby's gestation should be. I was measuring 33cm at 37 weeks. I have been consistently measuring 1-2 weeks behind for the past four weeks or so, but the fact that I am measuring so far behind has the doctor just a tad bit concerned. He scheduled me for an ultrasound to have the baby checked out and measured. He is looking to see if there is enough amniotic fluid around the baby, and if the baby is showing adequate weight gain. If baby is small and it shows that my placenta is not doing it's job, Doc plans on inducing me early to give baby a better chance. Baby's heartrate was 140. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. Up until this point I have had a seemingly uneventful pregnancy and it scares me that so close to being able to hold my sweet angel something may be "wrong." I don't care how many children you have the fear of stillbirth, birth defects and NICU babies is still something that hangs in the back of your mind until the moment you see and hear the confirmation that your baby is fine. Luckily I have two little ones and a jam packed schedule to keep my mind busy. There is no time to dwell on the unknown, so I will patiently await my ultrasound in a few days and hope that baby is just little, but doing wonderfully. 

Yesterday, I found myself in Labor and Delivery. Not due to contractions but lack of movement from my wiggle worm. This baby, moves a TON! There is never a moment that he/she doesn't let me know it is still there. So after a quiet evening and an entire morning of no movement I was concerned. Out of precaution, I headed to L&D for the first time since becoming pregnant (something I did all the time with my previous pregnancies) and had a Non-Stress Test (NST) done. After one hour and and giant cup of apple juice, baby was back to their normal squirmy self and I was on my way home a happy mama. 


::Confessions::

:: I am a zombie, I forgot how absolutely exhausting the last few weeks of pregnancy are. I am really looking forward to getting my energy back.

:: At 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I have still not packed my hospital bag. I have not pulled a single thing out of the closet, I still haven't bought the cooler for my placenta, and I have no idea what the baby will be wearing home from the hospital (in fact I haven't even given it a thought). 

:: One of my major fears of going into labor is how my house will look while I am gone. I work so hard to keep my home clean, I have dreamed of the chaos that will ensue the moment I leave and it scares the living crap out of me.


Back again at 38 weeks.