16 January 2014

{Let It Go}

Sometimes Often I find myself discouraged by things that are out of my control. Accusing the universe of being unfair and unkind. Wondering how I/we got put into this situation and why? I find myself so wrapped up in the negative that I often times overlook the abundance of good all around me.

Part of my problem is that I want what I want, how I want it, right now! Period. But what I am beginning to understand is that this is not the way of the world. This mindset is childish and flawed. And to think that I have that amount of control in this chaotic, beautiful life of mine is just plain silly. If things were that simple nobody would struggle, hardships would be non-existent and strife limited.

From the day I was conceived I was dealt a hand. Every card initially given to me was out of my control. A random draw from the universe. I did not choose a drug addicted mom, a non-existent father, four sisters, brown eyes, curly hair, or the large birthmark on my right thigh. This was the hand I was dealt and I played it accordingly. Sometimes my decisions weren't the most favorable. I put down a card I should have kept, I kept I card I should I have laid down, and I drew a card that didn't seem to fit anywhere in my hand. Each day I play the hand that makes most sense in that moment and sometimes I "lose" and sometimes I "win".

This my friends is life. It is full of happiness and pure joy, and at times sorrow and disappointment. Every decision I make, every opportunity I get, every chance I take (or pass) takes me down another path of life. Sometimes I have a choice and sometimes life just deals me another card that I am forced to figure out.

As I grow on this journey of life I am beginning to realize a few things.

1.)  People (family, friends, acquaintances, enemies) will come and go. They will encourage, support and uplift you. And sometimes they will disappoint, discourage, and disgust you. Let not their actions affect your happiness or self worth. This is something I have had to learn the hard way lately. You've got to learn to just let it go.

2.) Being so wrapped up in your own problems, happiness, wants, needs and desires makes you blind to those around you. Sometimes it is good to step a little bit outside of yourself, so you can observe the plan ahead and the placement of those around you. Often, you will see how incredibly selfish and self-centered you're being. Take this time to truly notice your children, your grandchildren, your friends your family. Spend more time with the ones you love. You never know when they will no longer be around for you to avoid.

3.) Blaming others/the universe for your problems will do you no good. Adapt and overcome; this is all you can do. Questioning your pitfalls, short comings and bad luck will get you nowhere but more confused and angry. Accept what is for simply that. And instead of dwelling on something you cannot change, move forward and overcome. You've got to learn to just let it go.

4.) Patience is a virtue. Don't allow yourself to be so wrapped up in what's in the future, that you forget to live in the here and now. Take a deep breath, clear your mind and do what you can today, right now. When you stop trying to force the world to happen when you want, you will find that it will happen when it's right. Because all things happen naturally, if you just allow them to. Patience is hard for me. I want my unborn child's room together right now; I want the garden completed today; and I want a new minivan, new kitchen cabinets, new den curtains and the hallway painted tomorrow. I want it all and I want it all now! I am learning to slow down, to understand that there is a process for everything, and that if I just relax things will happen in due time.

5.) Kids makes a mess, they spill things, they yell, they fight with their siblings and they drive you batty at times. They are kids. They must make a mistake to learn. They must use too much glitter to know how much, too much glitter is. Sibling rivalry is inevitable and sometimes you just have to let it happen. Screeching is loud but in the grand scheme of things how bad is it really? Embrace them while they are young, savor these moments, and for goodness sake allow yourself to laugh. Rearing children isn't easy. Just when you think it's hard, it gets harder. What I would give for a screaming infant some days; and how I laugh at the times when I thought one child was "hard." These moments are few and fleeting. They are over before you know it and once they are gone they are gone. Learn to just let the small things go. Glitter can be vacuumed, milk mopped, clothes washed and faces cleaned.

6.) Don't be greedy and boastful. Not only are they just ugly qualities, they also have a way of coming back around and slapping you in the face. Greed is a deadly sin. Don't take more than you can handle, it's wasteful. And know that the universe has it's way of balancing things out. What may be abundant to you one day, could be gone tomorrow. On the other hand, Boastfulness is a quality nobody enjoys. We are all good at some things and bad at others. Money comes and goes and there is no guarantee that what you have now will be there tomorrow. Be humble. Appreciate the things you have but also realize that what you value may not be important to others. Boasting just makes you look foolish and silly. Close your mouth and listen the world around you. Enjoy the conversations of others and stop trying to be the center of attention.

7.) You control your own happiness. Life ebbs and flows, it waxes and wanes and while there are good and bad days your happiness is your choice. Blaming other's for your unhappiness is not only unfair but is untrue. It is as asinine as blaming your cat for overeating. Rather than spending your time blaming someone else for how miserable you are, do something! If you are or were unhappy you choose to be there because you choose not to change it. That is no one else's fault but your own. Never put your happiness in someone Else's hands, and never be afraid to fight for it.

There is so much good in our everyday. I am learning to slow down and live in the moment. I am spending more time observing the world around me and learning to enjoy the special moments. Waking up earlier than the kids to bask in the moments of silence before the chaos. Keeping my priorities on target without forgetting my limitations. I am learning that this world does not revolve around me, while still making sure my feelings are heard. I am learning to be more patient, more kind, and less passive aggressive. Most of all I am learning to let it go. Life's unfair. People get things they don't deserve, while those who deserve it are left high and dry. I can't let myself become discouraged by everything I am unable to control. I will celebrate in other's triumph and and adapt when things don't go my way. Because while sometimes life may not be the party I had hoped for, I am might as well dance while I am here. 

1 comment:

  1. This is such wonderful self-reflection...so candid and articulate. All the time I am reminded of how lucky I am to have you as a daughter-in-law.